Harry Potter Fanfiction by SkoosiePants
Never Was A Badger So - "Apparently," he said as they made their way out of the store, "I have a soft spot for spazzy Hufflepuffs."
Otherwise - "I am getting completely shit-faced and then I'm going to kill Finch-Fletchly and then at some point I hope to get my job back."
Turn Sharp - Malfoy’s jaw tensed, muscles jumping, and he bit out, "This isn't about trust, Granger. This is about you currently being the only fourth we could agree on."
Three Bagglevarger Ficlets - Hufflepuffs Are Not Puppies, Feel Free To Kick; The More You Get, The More You Have; If A Job's Worth Doing, It's Worth Paying Someone Else To Do It.
Stay Left - His mum had called him gifted growing up, but his da always claimed he was a neurotic optimist with a dangerously large brain and a mild case of Tourette's.
Dirty Trousers - Seamus loved it. Loved having the crowd with him, loved when his own voice was drowned out, when the bar-goers drunkenly tripped over the words, shouted the lyrics in his face. It was the best part of his week.
Bagglevarger's Theory of Inversive Magic - After the first day, McKay had sniffed imperiously, chin tipped up, and told him that he wasn't a complete idiot, and his shame would only be marginal if they were seen together outside of class. Instead of telling him to fuck off, John had grinned sardonically and drawled a mocking, "Thanks," and McKay took that as the olive branch it wasn't and bullied his way into John's daily life.
The Entirely Wrong Way - They were pirates. They would, presumably, perform certain acts for money. Specifically, acts of piracy and various other fruitful ventures worthy of the high seas.
The Pact - The day passed in a tense haze, the blond Death Eater became a blur on the lawn, and Ron thought the blue sky was gorgeous and so bright it stung his eyes, painted light on the underside of his lids.
Imitating Life - "Ladies and gentlemen, we've just evolved from Sixteen Candles to Pretty in Pink."
Draco Malfoy is one cracked out cracker - Lance mocked Malfoy's arched eyebrow with one of his own, crossing his arms over his chest for good measure.
This Is Not A Story About Lavender - Ernie knew things often got worse before they got fully better.
Hogwarts in Space - He could still feel the cold terror that'd sliced through him when the battles finally flared up around them again, when he'd stepped out onto the bridge and had his first real look at a DE war cruiser.
Forfeit - It was unbelievable, how very not straight Draco was.
Aftermath - Ron hasn't kissed anyone for years.
Don't Feed the Squirrels - "This would be the part where you say, 'of course not, Chris, where would you get a crazy idea like that?' and then I'd say, 'JC,' and you'd say, 'well, there ya go,' and then we'd have a good laugh and I could go tell C he was just, like, high or something when he saw that black owl."
A Family Affair - "Picture this." Chris threw his arms wide. "The year was 1999, and J was newly legal andlisten Deanall curly-haired and adorable, but then he took off his shirt and bam!" He made several abortive movements with his hands before finally settling on pressing a forefinger to his nose. "Tongues had now entered into the equation," he went on. "Or my tongue, specifically, on his naked man-abs."
Everybody Here Would Know - Ron forgave Seamus everything. Everything. Because of Draco Malfoy's fine, fine arse.
You Fade - You don't like the way the story ends.
Impudent Secretaries And Spanish Puppets - Draco glanced up, pinned the raggedy puppet with a death glare, then went back to his papers.
Ministry Love Notes - Ronnikins, love, dearest heart, pookems. I've no idea what you're talking about. Dancing? Were there sparkly boys involved? If there was, I shall be deeply hurt that I wasn't invited.
Ghostbusters II-ish - "You think weakening him with good cheer and happy thoughts so Harry can finally trounce him makes sense?"
Nudge - Not for the first time, Ginny wished she'd had a profession on earth that had translated to the world beyond. Like Elspeth and Steven, and their Dead Head beauty salon. An Auror had little to no use in the hereafter, unfortunately, but heaven was surprisingly hospitable to cosmetologists.
Rivalry - Suddenly Seamus found himself flat on his back, head spinning, with a maliciously grinning blond hovering over him.
Wherein Little Boys Make Merry - "That one might have rabies," Lance said. "We're not sure."
The Commune Love Story - They never got a bigger apartment.
Three-quarter Time - The power outage made everything more eerie, stark and cold.
Slip of the Tongue - "Let me reiterate this for you, Potter," she stated tightly. "Granger: gone. Blaise: alone. Us: screwed."
The Infamous Cheese Orgy - "All right," Harry huffed, "whose brilliant idea was this?"
Stranded - No matter the superficial resemblance Malfoy had to Peter Pan, the situation was rapidly evolving from a bad Lord of the Flies parody to Captain Hook versus the Lost Boys.
In Which Ginny Is Ingenius - If Hermione had even suspected that the day would turn out the way it had, she wouldn't have gotten out of bed to begin with.
In Which Blaise's Mum Has The Memory Of An Elephant - There were several people Blaise now wanted to kill.
In Which Hermione Is The Aggressor - Light played off her hair, the bushy mass pulled back into an untidy bun and stuck through with two white quills, and he wondered idly if a bird had gotten tangled in there and died.
In Which Acorns Are Very Tasty - In the split-second before transformation, he recalled what McGonagall had told him about triggers and the novice animagus, and how his distinctly human brain could flip the switch from squirrel to man automatically if he wasn't especially careful.
Mastering the Art of Pig Wrestling - "If we were married," Ginny stated grandly, leaning heavily on the edge of the bar, "my mum would make you a jumper with a big 'D' on it... for Dumbarse."
Don't Let's Start - He smiled a very small smile, thinking that the sleepy-eyed, mussed Malfoy he'd stumbled upon that morning had been the most appealing thing he'd seen in years. Which was, when he came right down to it, a truly horrifying thought. Ron really needed to get out more.
Of Lust and Pie - If he had to bring his own pie, then what was the point of going?
Caught Off Guard - Ron stared at her, his eyes wide, his heart pounding so loud he could hear it in his ears - feel it in his throat.
Nighthawk - She ended up scrimping together every single Sickle, Knut and Galleon she could get her hands on, then hired her flat mate, Alice, at an embarrassingly measly salary, and opened up Nighthawk Investigations. Which was, after barely two years in existence, on the verge of going under.
Lack of Sense - She suspected it was a sign of emotional distress that all she could really process at the moment, as the door swung shut behind him, was that he filled out his jeans admirably with his tight Quidditch bum.
Wayward Cupid - "We've been kidnapped by small, pointy-eared persons," he said absently, "supposedly of the Christmas elf variety."
What She Knew - Nothing mattered except that final spark of realization; the startled surprise that blossomed into admiration seconds before his gaze fell vacant and dull.
Long-hidden Skies - It was strange, the way he'd learned to take life's lumps so complacently. The haze of inevitability that coated his view of the world he currently lived in. The seaside shanty and enforced isolation. The minimal use of magic. He'd grown... stagnant. A different sort of uselessness altogether, and he hadn't seen it, hadn't noticed it, until he'd witnessed Zabini ready to rip out Malfoy's throat and Hermione choking back tears, and his carefully constructed, fucked-up universe was finally crumbling. The end was coming. Soon.
Archenemy - Ginny Weasley had an archenemy; and damned if she wasn't tickled pink about it. (Jun 2003. Draco/Ginny. Ginny has a potion's fetish.)
...back to main